I have been driving all day, trying to get to this place. It is a kind of hotel, but at the same time a hospital. It’s up in the mountains and the roads were difficult for me, but finally I have found it, from memory, by instinct? I have reserved a room, but I need more than that, I need the doctors to see me. I know I need help. I can remember being here before, but I can’t remember what they did to help me, I just know I need it again.
Another person is involved somehow, a person who “hosted” my visit before, vouched for me. This is an exclusive hotel-hospital and they don’t take people without referral.
I am in a hospital room, but not yet accepted into the hospital. I try to explain that I was there before, but I can’t remember the name of the person who hosted me. I am just too exhausted. My body hurts, my mind hurts, and I can’t seem to articulate what was done before to help me or even why I was there before. The nurses I speak with are professional and even compassionate, but they won’t let me stay unless I can be vouched for.
I remember I have some contact information from my previous visit. I start looking through my purse. I know what I’m looking for, can visualize it, it’s a rectangular flat tab, about the size (length and width) of a USB drive, but flat, metallic, and flexible. Some kind of reading device that has my history on it. If I can just find that. . .
As I look through my purse, I think of other things I might find. I remember shopping in the nearby village, maybe I have some receipts to show I’d been there before. I keep trying to remember the name of the lady who hosted me. I look through the purse, each scrap of paper, surely I wrote it down somewhere.
The nurses, seeing how agitated I am, allow me to settle in, put on a hospital gown. A doctor comes in and takes my input, even though I can’t explain why I was there before, or even why I am there now, just that I am tired and upset and need to be here because I know they can help me like they did before.
At one point the doctor removes a mole from my back. I can feel the tug of the instrument, but no pain as he has deadened it. They also take some blood, and I start to calm down, thinking perhaps now they will be able to figure out why I’m there and help me. I’m just too tired to think, to explain.
I continue looking through my purse, though less frantically. I want to call the lady who hosted me, and find the data chip, but all I find is junk. At the bottom of my purse are some small loose marbles. I pull out a handful and think that they are important somehow but can’t remember why. I want to clean out my purse but am afraid to throw anything out, even the smallest thing could be significant, but I just can’t remember.
Finally a nurse comes in and takes me out to meet someone. We go to a small shop in the village, it is cozy and full of wood and warmth and bits and baubles. The nurse guides me toward the owner, and as soon as I see her I recognize her as the person who hosted me before, but so much more, as seeing her is like waking up. She opens her arms to me and envelops me in a huge warm hug, and I feel as if I have come home. I know all will be well now.
I am still reeling from the powerful feelings in this dream, there is so much more to it than described but the details are sludgy in my brain. I’m not even sure who the “I” is in this dream, I don’t have my own Judee identity, but am fully within whoever I am.
The most overpowering element of this dream is the feeling of need and helplessness. Confusion. Knowing I had been through this before but not being able to articulate it or focus enough to explain it to the medical people. There was also a very strong element of physical fatigue, but the physical was translated into mental fatigue and confusion. I knew that the small metal chip I was looking for held the key, would explain it to the medical people so they could help me.
More frustration in looking for clues to what was going on. A bit of a tongue in cheek with the marbles – I hadn’t lost my marbles, they were in my purse, I just couldn’t find the key to the problems.
Finally that overwhelming sense of relief when meeting the person who had hosted me before, knowing she had all the answers and would see that I got the help I needed. Powerful feelings all around.
The store she was in was like an old-fashioned dime store, wooden floors bits and baubles all around, treasures for the curious. She looked like an actress I’ve seen (don’t know her name) someone sympathetic and matronly and with an aura of kindness that oozes out of her almost visibly. It felt like welcome, coming home, healing, relief, all together. A wonderful end to a confusing dream.
Setting: hotel-hospital, hospital room, village store
People: hotel-hospital personnel, nurses, doctor, the hostess lady
Props: purse, marbles, data tab, mole
Actions: going through intake, searching through purse, blood work, mole removal
Feelings: deep fatigue, confusion, need, desperation, wanting, relief
Snippets of thought: mental fatigue, lost my marbles, but not really, so very tired and desperate to be helped, a feeling of familiarity, knowing something but not able to explain it, seeking help, the small store so familiar, warm, coming home, feeling at ease, relieved, all will be well at last.